The Left Side of the Comma

Last month, I wrote about living in proximity to God, but without intimacy. That seemed to hit a nerve.

This is the continuation of that story. Because by God’s grace, I didn’t stay there.

Years ago, I had a job that often took me to London. I loved it. I would walk for hours, taking in the cadence and smells of the city.

(London = lavender)

One of my favorite places was Hyde Park. Acres of green tucked into the middle of everything. Mostly quiet, but alive.

There was a small café I visited every time.

Same order.

A Choux au Craquelin and a black coffee.

A small, golden pastry. Slight crunch on the outside. Fresh vanilla coffee bean custard on the inside.

(I can still taste it as I write this.)

One visit, I grabbed my usual, sat by the window, and started people watching.

(Pre cell phones…can I get an “amen”)

I took a bite. And it collapsed.

The pastry had never been filled.

Held together outside. Empty inside.

That was me.

From the outside, things looked right. But when life pressed in, there was little there.

I knew something was off. I just misdiagnosed it. I called it fatigue. A busy season. I told myself I just needed rest. In reality, I was running on patterns and performance, not relationship.

What I lacked was intimacy.

I knew how to act like someone close to God. I knew the language, the rhythms, the expectations. And that can take you pretty far for a while.

But it doesn’t last.

What changed for me came down to a comma.

“If you love me, keep my commands.” (John 14:15)

I had spent years living on the right side of that comma.

Obedience. Discipline. Doing the right things. Measuring faithfulness by output instead of connection. I looked more like the older brother in Luke 15 than I wanted to admit. Close to the Father, but disconnected from his fatherhood.

I had neglected the left side.

“If you love me.”

Relationship. Being known. Receiving love before trying to prove it. This is the younger brother in that same passage.

Both matter. But the order changes everything.

I was trying to obey my way into intimacy. I thought if I did enough, closeness with God would follow.

It does not work.

Intimacy fuels obedience. Reverse that order and you do not get transformation. You get exhaustion.

What I am learning now is simple, but not easy. I am learning to start on the left side of the comma. To slow down long enough to be with God, not just do things for him. To receive love without immediately trying to repay it with effort.

Receive before you respond. Be loved before you try to live worthy of it.

If any of this feels familiar, here is the invitation.

Stop trying to earn what has already been given. Create space to be with God, not just productive for him. Let intimacy be the root.

Move from proximity to intimacy.

That is where life is.

Want more?

Check out this message from Pastor Jim Gooden at Real Life Church in Minnesota: Close But Not Connected | PRODIGAL