Building Missional Habits for an Unhurried Life

We were grilling a feast of teriyaki chicken by the pool, with a pot of rice and enough watermelon to feed an army. It was starting to become our routine—overcooking food, that is, not necessarily the teriyaki—though we did love that sweet, tangy glaze over a plate of basmati.

The surplus wasn’t an accident.

Our friends were splashing in the pool, taking turns entertaining our one- and two-year-old Irish twins. They were the kind of friends who lived on mission wherever they went.

Our pool sat in the middle of an apartment complex, surrounded by neighbors soaking up the summer sun. I walked over to the first of many that day and offered to make him a plate.

“Hey, are you guys Christians?” he asked. My eyes jumped with a look of complete surprise.

“Y-yeah!” I stammered. It took me a second before I realized how great this was. “I guess I’m glad that was evident.”

My neighbor went on to tell me that he and his family had not been to church in many years and they needed to start going again. I told them about our regular meal and bible study at our apartment, and he promised to bring dessert the very next week.

I know what you’re thinking.

Not every encounter plays out like that. It’s true. The world is full of cold shoulders and polite rejections. But what if moments like this aren’t random? What if they’re the natural fruit of slow, intentional living—habits that make us interruptible, present, and available to the Holy Spirit?

Because here’s the thing: that moment by the pool didn’t happen because I suddenly became bold or spiritual. It happened because our family had been learning to live at a different pace. We’d been practicing a set of rhythms that made space for people—neighbors, friends, even strangers—to interrupt our plans.

Aristotle once said, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” Michael Frost builds on that wisdom in Surprise the World, arguing that faith isn’t just belief—it’s a collection of daily patterns that shape how we engage the world. Jesus said the same thing in fewer words:

“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23)

Daily. That’s the key word.

Frost uses the word habitus to describe our default way of being—the underlying operating system that shapes how we live without even thinking. In America, busyness is our habitus. We wear hurry like a badge of honor. But hurry rarely makes us holy.

So the question is: what new habitus might Jesus be inviting us into? What patterns of living might make us interruptible enough to notice our neighbors, generous enough to bless them, and unhurried enough to actually listen?

For our family, those questions led us to something we now call the SCALE model—a simple framework of missional habits designed to help us live slowly, intentionally, and fruitfully with God and others.

S – Slow Down

In The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, John Mark Comer essentially says this: you cannot be Jesus to someone if you are in a hurry.

I argued with that for an entire year after we read the book. I argued with it — until finally I couldn’t.

Almost every time my wife and I get short with our kids, frustrated in traffic, or irritated at work, hurry is the real culprit. But when we create margin, everything changes. We stop fixing and start listening. Instead, we find ourselves saying to people, “Oh wow, I’m sorry to hear that. Tell me more.”

Few phrases carry more healing power than those three words – “Tell me more” – but more on that later.

We live in a fast-paced world that sees people as the problem. They’re not. People are the point. And slowing down is the first habit because none of the others work without it.

Sadhu Sundar Singh, the Indian missionary to Tibet, once visited England and observed:

“You are very busy people. You have so much to do that there is very little time to think about God. There is much materialism, but when I get into your homes and know you, I find that you do really care about religion.”
(Christian Heroes Then & Now: Sundar Singh)

If England was hurried in his day, how much more are we?

As many have said, “Go at the pace of grace.”

In other words, ask yourself: What is the pace Jesus would have if He were in your shoes?

Would He be hurrying from village to village stressed out because he only had two and a half years to tell the whole world that He was God? Or would He stop, listen to the Holy Spirit, and choose instead to say, “Who touched me?” (Luke 8:45)

C – Carry Blessing

How do you carry blessing? Start by setting aside a portion of your budget just to bless others.

Bruce Wilkinson, in You Were Born for This, encourages people to prepare generosity ahead of time so that when the Holy Spirit nudges, you’re ready. No hesitation. No second-guessing. Just give.

We are blessed to be a blessing. (Genesis 12:2-3)

But blessing isn’t only financial. Jesus said:

“All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go…” (Matthew 28:18).

He sent His disciples with power — the same power Peter carried when he said:

“Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” (Acts 3:6)

Before proclaiming the gospel, Jesus often met people’s tangible needs. I unpacked this in a previous article. As the saying goes, an empty stomach cannot hear.

To carry blessing is to carry the power and the wisdom of God into every situation. It is by that authority that we preach the simple message of the gospel, the true blessing: that Christ died for our sins, was buried, and rose to life again, defeating forever the sin that marked us for death. (1 Cor. 1:23-24, 4:20, 15:3-5, & 15:54-55)

A – Ask Questions

There’s a coaching mantra worth remembering: Ask. Don’t tell.

In Change or Die, Alan Deutschman notes that 90% of heart patients don’t change their lifestyle even when their lives depend on it. Fear and facts don’t work. Change begins with relationship and reframing and with asking the right questions that cut to the heart.

“The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.” (Proverbs 20:5)

Jesus was the master of this. When the rich young ruler asked, “Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” Jesus replied, “Why do you call me good?” (Mark 10:17–18 paraphrase)

It seems like a diversion — until you realize Jesus was exposing the man’s real issue. His question pierced the illusion of self-righteousness. If the man truly believed Jesus was God, he would have obeyed. The man’s sadness revealed idolatry, not ignorance.

Missionaries have learned this too. In BLESS, Dave Ferguson recounts a story of missionaries in India who were looking for ways to impact the local community. They had several great ideas including a hospital, school, or maybe a church building for the local believers. Then someone encouraged them to simply ask the community what it was that they really needed before they jumped to conclusions. Their answer? Mailboxes. Not hospitals, not schools — just mailboxes.

Asking changed everything.

Many years ago my friend and colleague Erik Cooper, President of the Stone Table, wrote about some missionaries bringing food and other supplies to the poor in India. Every day the food was gone, but the supplies were not. Then one day the missionaries asked why no one was taking the supplies. “We don’t need these things,” one lady told them. The missionaries could feel frustration rising in themselves. How could they not need all these wonderful, brand-new supplies that they brought? Then they asked the lady, “Well what do you need?”

“We really need containers that rats can’t eat through,” the lady replied.

Sometimes we think we know what people need. Maybe we shove the gospel in their face at every moment possible or condemn their every sin hoping it will finally wake them up to the path of destruction they’re on, but we have to stop and ask first.

Ask. Listen. And then respond as the Holy Spirit leads.

L – Listen

Asking means nothing if we don’t listen. Sometimes no question is needed at all. Just presence. Those same three powerful words “Tell me more” often open the door for deep listening and connection.

I remember sitting with a homeless man in Chicago and asking him to tell me his story. He wept as he told me about the dog he lost, the family he never knew, and the hopelessness he now found himself in. After thirty minutes of sharing his story he told me, “Thank you for just listening. Most people don’t do that.”

You could say this was one man, but I’ve had this experience dozens of times. I am always amazed at how many people, whose lives are filled with needs, would much rather spend an hour sharing their story than be given a twenty-dollar bill.

Most people don’t need a sermon — they need to be seen. Often, the man asking for a coin doesn’t want silver; he wants to be known and loved. Ultimately, what he truly needs is forgiveness and belonging in Jesus.

Mother Teresa once captured this truth beautifully. When journalist Dan Rather asked what she said to God during prayer, she replied, “I listen.” When he asked what God says to her, she smiled at him and said, “He listens, too.”

Listening is loving.

E – Eat With Others

Jesus loved to eat with others. He dined with sinners, shared tables with disciples, and revealed God’s grace over meals. Some of His greatest miracles involved food: bread, fish, wine. The table is often the place where transformation happens.

So set a table and invite people to eat.

We live in a world of digital abundance but relational famine. People are starving for something real.

Two years ago, my wife and I were living in an apartment complex in Indianapolis. We decided to bake cookies for every neighbor in the building and introduce ourselves. I still remember the suspicious looks as people peeked around their doors, wondering why a strange neighbor would dare disturb their quiet evening.

Slowly but surely, even our toughest neighbors began to soften toward our consistent smiles and greetings. One by one, they opened up about how lonely they really were. By summer, we were hosting Saturday-morning coffee and donut hangouts for the whole building. Each week, a few families would come.

One family of regulars couldn’t speak English at all, yet they faithfully attended, connecting with us through laughter, gestures, and the occasional Google Translate conversation. Over time, these small gatherings led to deeper friendships, and on several occasions, we were able to share the gospel with our neighbors, both through these events and over dinner in our home.

In his book B.L.E.S.S., Dave Ferguson tells the story of a family who invited their entire neighborhood over every Tuesday for a cookout. At first, no one came. It took four weeks before they finally experienced a breakthrough—neighbors began showing up, opening up, and eventually being transformed.

If you have a yard or a driveway, that space can become a natural place to gather. Check out Front Yard Mission or The Turquoise Table for inspiration. In The Turquoise Table, Kristin Schell shares how she literally placed a table in her front yard and began inviting neighbors to join her. She emphasizes the importance of welcoming people into the mess of everyday life—being present, open, relational, and available.

This simple act of inviting others to share a table is one of the most powerful contexts for evangelism known to humankind. We were created for it.

In this way, communion itself is not only a remembrance but also a glimpse forward—to the greatest table of all, the marriage supper of the Lamb. (Revelation 19:6–9)

Building Your Own Set of Missional Habits

There are many models out there — BLESS, BELLS, and more. I genuinely believe that any model is better than none. If you don’t like mine or you’d rather workshop your own, try one of these and see what fits.

All of the elements they include are valuable and essential. We didn’t omit anything because we disagreed — we simply emphasized what we most needed to grow in and removed what felt assumed.

So make your own! Own it. Adapt it. Add what you need reminders about. When a habit becomes second nature, maybe it’s time to retire a letter and add a new one.

The point is simple:

We are what we repeatedly do.
So let your habits reveal Jesus.